Thursday, June 4, 2015

Summer Days, Silence, and Singleness

I took the day off of work today because I woke up feeling a little cruddy.  I didn't have the flu or anything, but I just felt a bit off.  I ended up spending almost the whole day outside on my newly refurbished deck, and it was glorious.

As someone who really thrives on being around people and having lots of activities, I am amazed how good I can feel after a full day alone.  I did what I wanted to do.  I did a little housework that I had to do.  I cooked, which I don't do often enough.  I made 3 scrapbook layouts!  I sat out on the aforementioned deck and memorized (or roughly memorized) my lines for the current play that should begin rehearsals next week.  I read a book for one of the two book clubs I'm in.

It was a very full day, but yet, it was refreshing.

I wish I could have more days like this.  While I love to travel on my vacations, I'm starting to enjoy the simple act of staying home and doing almost nothing.  I love being creative again, with scrapbooking and writing.  I've slacked off a little on the photography, but am still catching up at the end of every week.  I feel good about where I am right now.

A friend and I have been commiserating on how we have been feeling rather left behind in the world. Most of our friends have gone off and gotten themselves married, and we are still single (yet not close enough geographically that we can hang out together), so that means that our lives have changed just like our married friends lives have changed.  Gone are the days when our friends can come over at the drop of a hat.  No longer can I plan spontaneous vacations with a friend that can last a week or even two.  I've had to adjust my view of what my life should look like right now.

It hasn't been easy to get to the place of acceptance and especially contentment.  People often tell me that the life of a single girl must be great!  I have no one to answer to, only one person to look after... and they're right, but it's not always as great as it looks from the other side.  A lot of the changes in my life have come on very suddenly over the past year, and I cannot say I've liked it that much... but I'm here and I have to continue  living the best life I can and attempt not to be bitter or depressed about being "left behind."

On days like today, I think I've made it there.  I have my own pursuits and hobbies.  Obviously, I still have friends and a social life.  It's just not as free and easy as it once was.  I'm okay with this.  I even welcome it.  I like having my own life.

Is this to say that I don't want what I still don't have?  Heck no!  I still want it!  Trust me.  I'm just saying on days like today, when I get to sit out on my deck, drinking a glass of wine, reading Shakespeare and writing blog posts that are surprisingly not photo based for once, I'm content.

Today, anyway.

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